Life With Carol

The 90 Day Rule in a Relationship

The 90 day rule is a concept that Steve Harvey brought up in his best-selling book, Act like a Lady, Think like a Man. Even though many people find it old school, there are somewhot appreciate it. If you plan on implementing the 90 day rule, here are a couple of things you need to keep in mind.

What Is the 90 Day Rule?

In simple terms, it is a three month probationary period in a relationship where you choose not to have sex with a new partner. It is believed that waiting at least three months will give you perspective on what you should expect from your partner and help you gauge them with a clear head. Although it is mostly women who push for this window, a man could also use it when dating.

Benefits of the 90 Day Rule

While there are people who might argue that this rule is backward, there have been instances where it has come to play and been very beneficial. Here are some of the main perks of introducing this rule in a relationship.

Makes You Feel in Control

Even though most relationships nowadays end up with people having sex, it does help to know that you had a say in it. Giving in to sex on the first or second date can make one resent them. It can also lead to one feeling like they gave up a piece of themselves too soon. In taking the time, you get to know that you were in control on where the relationship is going.

Helps You Gauge Your Partner’s Intentions

If you are looking for a long term relationship then it helps if you know that the person you are with feels the same way. By taking sex off the table, you can easily see who is willing to stick it out to the end and who just wants to have fun. It comes in handy especially if you are conflicted on whom you should settle down with or who you should let go of. 

Enables You to Ask the Right Questions

Sex can often cloud your mind and make you think that the person you are with is best for you even when they are not. By taking it away from the table, you can easily ask the right questions that help you figure out if you should date someone or not. Here are some the things you need to find out about a partner you would like to date:

  • Their temperature
  • What their love language is
  • Their personal values and views on life
  • Whether they want something permanent or temporary

Once you learn this, all that is left to do is decide if you want to take the relationship a step further especially sexually. To ensure that this rule is effective, you need to inform whoever you are with about it. That way, if they cannot respect the boundary then you simply walk away. The rule has been tried and tested and has been successfully implemented in different areas. 

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