Life With Carol

Signs You Might Be the Red Flag in a Relationship

Recently, people have been talking about spotting a red flag in a person and how to walk away from it. While this is a good thing, there is a chance that you might be the problem in the relationship. Being able to identify these red flags and work on them will not only make you a better partner but a better partner as well. Here are some signs that you might be the red flag in your relationship. You Have No Boundaries Being a people pleaser might not seem like a red flag but it is. You need to learn how to create and maintain boundaries with people. If you can do this, then you can also respect other people’s boundaries. It also means you have values in life that you live by and are not easily swayed with trends or other people’s opinions. You Do Not Invest in Yourself Whether it is by getting an education or simply picking up a book, you need to pour into yourself. Often, you find your worth and validation in other people and tend to value other people’s opinions above your own. With this kind of attitude, you end up being a shell of yourself. You have no idea what you need to do with yourself and are not interested in personal growth. Every human being needs to be willing to better themselves and refusing to do that is a red flag. You Do Not Admit When Wrong No matter how good your intentions are or how highly you regard yourself, you are bound to mess at any given point. Admitting you are wrong shows that you are mature enough to admit that you are human and prone to error. Refusing to admit your flaws and instead shifting blame is a childish way to live life. Being able to see where you went wrong shows you are willing to change as well. It also means you are not egotistical. The World Revolves Around You If all you know is you and your needs are above everyone else, then that is a red flag. While there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first at times, doing this at the expense of everyone else is wrong. You need to be able to take a step back and let someone else take centre stage. It shows that you are not self-centred and empathic. You Are Clingy Wanting to spend time with the ones you love is okay but if you never give people their space, then that is wrong. You need to let people have their space and respect their need for privacy. It also shows that you are your own person with an identity not tied to others. If you have any of these attributes, that does not mean it is over for you. You can still unlearn the bad habits and become a wholesome person. All you have to remember to do is be intentional about how you live your life and the people you interact with. 

How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship

Your attachment style is often formed based on how you were raised as a child. If you look back at your childhood and your primary caregivers, you can either feel jealous, anxious, or secure. All these attachment styles will affect the kind of relationship you have as an adult. The good news is, an attachment style can change as you become more self-aware and heal your inner child. There are four main attachment styles and they all affect how you interact with your partner differently. Secure Attachment Style People with secure attachment style tend to feel safe in their relationships. They are well grounded and can emotionally regulate themselves. They learned all these skills from their primary caregiver, who was present and did not dump their stress on the child. As such, this person knows how to create boundaries. Even though they might want to be in a relationship, they are more drawn to creating meaningful connections over just getting into whatever relationship they want to. Despite this, if they are together with someone with an insecure attachment style, it can change their attachment style after a while. Anxious Attachment Style Someone with anxious attachment style often feels insecure in a relationship. They need constant reassurance and will overreact if they feel like their relationship is being threatened. The anxiety stems from inconsistent parenting. The primary caregiver must have been one who was inconsistent with physical and emotional attention and the child never knew when the parent would be back or there for them. Anxious attachment style: people tend to feel guilty for being too needy or clingy but it is something they cannot seem to stop doing. The only way to help a person with this attachment style is to have them deal with their issues of abandonment first. Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style Avoidance are the opposite of anxious attachment. While they might want attention, they are wary of anyone getting too close to them. Avoidant attachment often feels independent and sees no need for a relationship. As such, they come off as uncaring and arrogant. All this stems from having a primary caregiver who was never there for the child in their early years. As such, they tend to take care of everything on their own.  Even though avoidant people think they do not need human connections, they actually do. It is something every human being needs. One needs to be vulnerable enough to admit it. Disorganized Attachment Style A person with this attachment style tends to believe they do not deserve love and affection. They often find intimate relationships unsettling and hardly trust their partner. The person often gets this from an abusive primary caregiver who is both loved and often a source of terror to the person. As a result, the individual is unhinged and might also struggle with substance abuse. How to Deal with Insecure an Attachment If you have an attachment style that is not secure, then no matter how badly you want it, you will ruin whatever relationship you are in. The one thing you need to do to remedy this is talk to a therapist. They can help you unpack whatever trauma you have and give you coping mechanisms. While it might not be a one day affair, it will definitely get you to a point where you can form meaningful relationships. Your attachment style determines how you view human connections and, in extension, how you view the world. Being securely attached will help you form better connections and make the right decision when it comes to relationships. Talk to a therapist today if you have doubts on what your attachment style might be.

How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Falling in love is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. You want to spend as much time as possible with your partner and to be as close as possible. If you happen to fall in love with someone who works or lives far from you, then it can be torture. Even though the feelings are just as strong, it is easy to build up resentment in the long run. Here are some tips that can help you deal with the distance.  Be Intentional Even though this is something to do in all relationships, it is very important to be intentional in a long distance relationship. You need to plan and do everything with intent, as that is the only way to make the relationship work. Ensure that whatever you do for your partner isn’t out of mere obligation but something you want to do. Good intentions will ensure that your relationship can thrive despite the distance. Talk Daily While you might get away with not talking to someone you live in the same area with, that might not work if you are in a long distance relationship. Making time to talk every day will ensure that you two get to know each other, and it will take away the feeling of being far apart. You do not have to have a long conversation or make calls but checking in daily will help. Find a way to include them in your day, as that is something that you will look forward to. Find Ways To Do Things Together Just because you are far apart does not mean you cannot have plans together. It can be watching a movie together via Skype or simply making dinner together via video calls. Whatever you do, ensure you have time that is just for the two of you. That way, there is something in common that puts you two together.   Have a Timeline While you might be okay with taking things slow, it does get to a place where you get too comfortable with virtual relationships that never head anywhere. To avoid this, always have a timeline for when you will meet and stop being in different areas. Having a timeline will help you both manage your expectations, so you do not have to worry about things going too fast or too slow. It also helps you stay intentional at all times. Finding someone to date is an amazing feeling. It does not matter how far away the person is, as long as you are both happy. By implementing these tips, you can have healthy and fulfilling relationships with a happily ever after in the near future.

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