Life With Carol

The 90 Day Rule in a Relationship

The 90 day rule is a concept that Steve Harvey brought up in his best-selling book, Act like a Lady, Think like a Man. Even though many people find it old school, there are somewhot appreciate it. If you plan on implementing the 90 day rule, here are a couple of things you need to keep in mind. What Is the 90 Day Rule? In simple terms, it is a three month probationary period in a relationship where you choose not to have sex with a new partner. It is believed that waiting at least three months will give you perspective on what you should expect from your partner and help you gauge them with a clear head. Although it is mostly women who push for this window, a man could also use it when dating. Benefits of the 90 Day Rule While there are people who might argue that this rule is backward, there have been instances where it has come to play and been very beneficial. Here are some of the main perks of introducing this rule in a relationship. Makes You Feel in Control Even though most relationships nowadays end up with people having sex, it does help to know that you had a say in it. Giving in to sex on the first or second date can make one resent them. It can also lead to one feeling like they gave up a piece of themselves too soon. In taking the time, you get to know that you were in control on where the relationship is going. Helps You Gauge Your Partner’s Intentions If you are looking for a long term relationship then it helps if you know that the person you are with feels the same way. By taking sex off the table, you can easily see who is willing to stick it out to the end and who just wants to have fun. It comes in handy especially if you are conflicted on whom you should settle down with or who you should let go of.  Enables You to Ask the Right Questions Sex can often cloud your mind and make you think that the person you are with is best for you even when they are not. By taking it away from the table, you can easily ask the right questions that help you figure out if you should date someone or not. Here are some the things you need to find out about a partner you would like to date: Once you learn this, all that is left to do is decide if you want to take the relationship a step further especially sexually. To ensure that this rule is effective, you need to inform whoever you are with about it. That way, if they cannot respect the boundary then you simply walk away. The rule has been tried and tested and has been successfully implemented in different areas. 

Signs You Might Be the Red Flag in a Relationship

Recently, people have been talking about spotting a red flag in a person and how to walk away from it. While this is a good thing, there is a chance that you might be the problem in the relationship. Being able to identify these red flags and work on them will not only make you a better partner but a better partner as well. Here are some signs that you might be the red flag in your relationship. You Have No Boundaries Being a people pleaser might not seem like a red flag but it is. You need to learn how to create and maintain boundaries with people. If you can do this, then you can also respect other people’s boundaries. It also means you have values in life that you live by and are not easily swayed with trends or other people’s opinions. You Do Not Invest in Yourself Whether it is by getting an education or simply picking up a book, you need to pour into yourself. Often, you find your worth and validation in other people and tend to value other people’s opinions above your own. With this kind of attitude, you end up being a shell of yourself. You have no idea what you need to do with yourself and are not interested in personal growth. Every human being needs to be willing to better themselves and refusing to do that is a red flag. You Do Not Admit When Wrong No matter how good your intentions are or how highly you regard yourself, you are bound to mess at any given point. Admitting you are wrong shows that you are mature enough to admit that you are human and prone to error. Refusing to admit your flaws and instead shifting blame is a childish way to live life. Being able to see where you went wrong shows you are willing to change as well. It also means you are not egotistical. The World Revolves Around You If all you know is you and your needs are above everyone else, then that is a red flag. While there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first at times, doing this at the expense of everyone else is wrong. You need to be able to take a step back and let someone else take centre stage. It shows that you are not self-centred and empathic. You Are Clingy Wanting to spend time with the ones you love is okay but if you never give people their space, then that is wrong. You need to let people have their space and respect their need for privacy. It also shows that you are your own person with an identity not tied to others. If you have any of these attributes, that does not mean it is over for you. You can still unlearn the bad habits and become a wholesome person. All you have to remember to do is be intentional about how you live your life and the people you interact with. 

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