Life With Carol

The Role of Love Languages in a Relationship

The five love languages stand for how you give and receive love. While this is not something many people think about, it does affect how you and your partner relate. If you have never taken the test to figure out what your love language is, then you might want to do so now. Here are some of the roles love languages play in a relationship. They Promote Selflessness When it comes to a relationship, you realize that everything is not about you. You have to consider your partner and their needs. In taking the time to learn what your partner’s needs are, you get to a point where you can love them like they need to be loved. The act itself forces you to think about someone else and what makes them feel seen. It helps you give more of yourself to make someone other than yourself happy. It Makes You Empathetic Rarely will you find yourself with a partner with a similar love language. As such, you need to understand how your person feels and receives love. You can only do this by practicing empathy, which is a quality that will serve you in most areas of your life. It Improves Your Communication If you and your partner have different love languages, then you have to learn how to love each other differently. For instance, words of affirmations are good but your partner will appreciate more if you spend time with them if their love language is quality time. The only way to know what your partner prefers is to talk to them. Find out what their love language is and vice versa. They will need you both to be open and talk to each other without judgment.  It might take a while but you will be better partners in the long run. Fosters Contentment in a Relationship One of the main reasons couples fight or breakup is feeling discontented in a relationship. If you or your partner feel like needs are not being met, then there is a chance you will want to walk out. By loving on someone or being loved on correctly, you feel seen and are content in the relationship. Learning one’s love language gets you there and helps you feel secure in a relationship. Improves Your Self-Awareness Going into a relationship without knowing who you are as a person can sabotage you. The one place to start is to know what your love language is and be able to speak up when you feel like a need is being ignored. While there are so many other areas you have to work on, starting out with your love language will help. It is a step in the right direction when it comes to self-awareness. What Are the Love Languages? Once you understand the benefits of love languages, it will also help if you know what they are. These are the five love languages: The one thing you need to remember is that, while these love languages are important, they are not everything. It takes more than knowing your partner’s love language to make a relationship work.  Being intentional about knowing who your partner is and how you two can grow together is what makes a great relationship. 

The 90 Day Rule in a Relationship

The 90 day rule is a concept that Steve Harvey brought up in his best-selling book, Act like a Lady, Think like a Man. Even though many people find it old school, there are somewhot appreciate it. If you plan on implementing the 90 day rule, here are a couple of things you need to keep in mind. What Is the 90 Day Rule? In simple terms, it is a three month probationary period in a relationship where you choose not to have sex with a new partner. It is believed that waiting at least three months will give you perspective on what you should expect from your partner and help you gauge them with a clear head. Although it is mostly women who push for this window, a man could also use it when dating. Benefits of the 90 Day Rule While there are people who might argue that this rule is backward, there have been instances where it has come to play and been very beneficial. Here are some of the main perks of introducing this rule in a relationship. Makes You Feel in Control Even though most relationships nowadays end up with people having sex, it does help to know that you had a say in it. Giving in to sex on the first or second date can make one resent them. It can also lead to one feeling like they gave up a piece of themselves too soon. In taking the time, you get to know that you were in control on where the relationship is going. Helps You Gauge Your Partner’s Intentions If you are looking for a long term relationship then it helps if you know that the person you are with feels the same way. By taking sex off the table, you can easily see who is willing to stick it out to the end and who just wants to have fun. It comes in handy especially if you are conflicted on whom you should settle down with or who you should let go of.  Enables You to Ask the Right Questions Sex can often cloud your mind and make you think that the person you are with is best for you even when they are not. By taking it away from the table, you can easily ask the right questions that help you figure out if you should date someone or not. Here are some the things you need to find out about a partner you would like to date: Once you learn this, all that is left to do is decide if you want to take the relationship a step further especially sexually. To ensure that this rule is effective, you need to inform whoever you are with about it. That way, if they cannot respect the boundary then you simply walk away. The rule has been tried and tested and has been successfully implemented in different areas. 

Signs You Might Be the Red Flag in a Relationship

Recently, people have been talking about spotting a red flag in a person and how to walk away from it. While this is a good thing, there is a chance that you might be the problem in the relationship. Being able to identify these red flags and work on them will not only make you a better partner but a better partner as well. Here are some signs that you might be the red flag in your relationship. You Have No Boundaries Being a people pleaser might not seem like a red flag but it is. You need to learn how to create and maintain boundaries with people. If you can do this, then you can also respect other people’s boundaries. It also means you have values in life that you live by and are not easily swayed with trends or other people’s opinions. You Do Not Invest in Yourself Whether it is by getting an education or simply picking up a book, you need to pour into yourself. Often, you find your worth and validation in other people and tend to value other people’s opinions above your own. With this kind of attitude, you end up being a shell of yourself. You have no idea what you need to do with yourself and are not interested in personal growth. Every human being needs to be willing to better themselves and refusing to do that is a red flag. You Do Not Admit When Wrong No matter how good your intentions are or how highly you regard yourself, you are bound to mess at any given point. Admitting you are wrong shows that you are mature enough to admit that you are human and prone to error. Refusing to admit your flaws and instead shifting blame is a childish way to live life. Being able to see where you went wrong shows you are willing to change as well. It also means you are not egotistical. The World Revolves Around You If all you know is you and your needs are above everyone else, then that is a red flag. While there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first at times, doing this at the expense of everyone else is wrong. You need to be able to take a step back and let someone else take centre stage. It shows that you are not self-centred and empathic. You Are Clingy Wanting to spend time with the ones you love is okay but if you never give people their space, then that is wrong. You need to let people have their space and respect their need for privacy. It also shows that you are your own person with an identity not tied to others. If you have any of these attributes, that does not mean it is over for you. You can still unlearn the bad habits and become a wholesome person. All you have to remember to do is be intentional about how you live your life and the people you interact with. 

Importance of Therapy in Building a Healthy Relationship

Having a fulfilling and healthy relationship can be hard work. There are things both of you need to come with terms with and boundaries that need to be set. While many times all that is needed is communication, this could also prove to be hard to initiate. For this reason, it would be helpful if you and your partner would consider therapy. There are so many people who might argue that therapy is not that important so knowing the actual benefits that come from it will help you make the right choice. Here is how you need to go for therapy in order to have a healthy relationship. Enhances Communication Many times, people talk and think that is enough. In learning how to communicate, partners can pick up on nonverbal cues and even learn what makes their partner happy. Therapy also gives you avenues through which you can air your grievances and figure out how to resolve issues better.  Facilitates Better Conflict Resolution No matter how in tune with your emotions you are, there will be times when you find yourself disagreeing with your partner. While there is nothing wrong with disagreements, how you handle them will determine a lot. It helps if you can do this without causing any more harm to your partner. Going for therapy will help you figure out what to do when there is a conflict and how to deescalate situations. It will also ensure that you both stay respectful, no matter how bad the situation seems. Dealing with Past Trauma There is a saying that goes, ‘don’t bleed on those who did not hurt you’. If you have had issues in your past that are unresolved, they might come up in your current relationship. You might find yourself fighting over trivial matters when the root cause is past trauma. Therapy is a safe space for you unpack this and go ahead and deal with it as a whole. It ensures that you are not blaming your partner of things they had no hand in and that you can identify and deal with harmful patterns from your past. Helps Deal with Life Transitions Changing a relationship from dating to marriage or having kids can take a toll on both of you. By talking to a professional, you can keep sight of what is real despite all the changes going on. A therapist will help you figure out what you need to do and how to ensure that you keep sight of what is going on, no matter the situation. Therapy is something many people is afraid of going for. It makes you feel exposed and vulnerable and forces you to face your past so you have a better future. If you are looking to grow, then you need to ensure you see a therapist as a couple. They will give you the right tools to navigate life and ensure that, no matter what season you are in, you maintain focus on your relationship and keep things working.  

Impact of Social Media on Relationship Dynamics

The era of social media has changed how different people interact with each other. Social media has made the world a digital village and eliminated distance between people. As such, people can relate with others from different parts of the world with a tap on their screens and get updated on events as they happen. Apart from daily interactions, social media has also changed how people view love and relationships. It has had both positive and negative impacts on many relationships. Here are some of the ways social media has changed up relationship dynamics.  Positive Impact of Social Media on Relationships Makes Long Distance Relationships Easier In a time where sending messages or making calls happens with the tap of a button, long distance relationships are easier to handle. Couples living miles apart get to interact as if they were just next door. It cuts out the uncertainty that would come with waiting for days for letters and makes one feel like their partner can still be a part of their day despite the distance. Widens the Dating Pool For people looking to date, social media makes it easier to date beyond geographical lines. Thanks to social media, couples can meet online and build a relationship before needing to even meet. There have been many successful relationships that have bloomed on different social media platforms that ended up with married couples. Gives One Perception Even though comparison can be detrimental, it helps to have a rubric on which to gauge whatever relationship there is. With so many people talking about what is acceptable or a red flag in relationships, one can figure out whether they are okay or should walk out of a relationship. Knowing that there are options for couples in abusive relationships has also meant that couples know they can walk away when things do not work. It has also helped couples figure out what they can do to grow their current relationship. Negative Impact of Social Media on Relationships Leads To Unrealistic Expectations Even though most people online look happy, the opposite of this is true. Many couples on social media paint a picture of a fairy-tale love story and expecting one’s personal relationship to be similar can lead to discontentment. There have been situations where couples got into debt trying to keep up with the lifestyle they saw online. Miscommunication  As more people embrace phones, there is a tendency to prefer texts to calls or face-to-face conversations. With text messages, nonverbal cues are left to one’s imagination. All this has led to more couple arguments since one can misunderstand what a message really meant. Jealousy and Over Comparison Comparison is the thief of joy and this can be seen in most couples who compare their lives. Seeing other couples doing things or saying stuff can make one believe their partner is not doing enough. Having overly perfect relationships showcased on social media has led to a lot of discontentment in couples which often leads to breakups or unnecessary fights. Is There Space for Social Media in Relationships? Despite there being so many negatives about the harm of social media in relationships, it is clear that one cannot do without it. The only thing couples need to remember when it comes to social media is to take everything with a pinch of salt. Understanding one’s relationship and its dynamics will help a couple grow instead of looking at what everyone is talking about on these platforms. By making social media a tool of communication and not the center of a relationship, couples can still thrive in this era. 

Budget-Friendly Date Ideas for Couples

Dating in these times can seem so expensive. With so many people going over the top with their dates, one can feel like they do not have the right resources to show their partner a good time. Did you know that even when strapped for cash, you could still show your partner a good time? Here are a couple of budget friendly date ideas that you should try out. Go on a Picnic One of the most affordable date options to try would be a picnic. You can pick out a spot that is free to enter or has a small entry fee. You can also go for a drive and park somewhere with a view. One way to make this date memorable is to either have a theme or dress up for it. Dressing up for the date makes it feel fancy and will have you looking forward to it. Make your snacks at home as well, as this saves money that might have been spent at the store or a restaurant. Movie Night Nothing beats the feeling of snuggling with your partner after a long day at work. To make this interesting, prepare some of your favourite snacks and watch a move you both like. You can play around with your living room setup, get a couple of flowers and fairy lights and change up the whole place. Movie night is a simple and almost free date idea that is perfect for you if you love spending quality time together with your partner. Visit a Museum Museums are a great place to go if you both want to explore something new. They have interesting pieces of history and you always get to learn something new while you are at it. It is also a great way to get out of the house and do something together that will be both fun and informative. Take a Walk It might not sound like something romantic but don’t write it off before you actually try it. Taking a walk is one of the ways you can get away from all the noise and just spend time together. You can pick out a path that is less crowded, which will give you a chance to really talk with your partner and bond away from the entire house. It is a perfect idea, especially for an evening in summer since the air will still be warm. Apart from bonding with your partner, the stroll is also a great way to get some exercise, which is a win-win.  Learn Your Partner’s Hobby Often times, you find that you hardly know what your partner likes. Taking the time to learn each other’s hobbies is one way to deal with this. You can spend time with our partner or simply ask them to show you what they like to do. With this, you get to know things about them that you would have missed out. It also makes for the perfect activity to do together in future. The common mistake many people make is thinking dates mean spending a lot of money on something. With a little creativity and lots of love, you can have a zero-budget date and get to bond with your partner. Try out a couple of these ideas and see which one will make you and your partner happy. 

How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship

Your attachment style is often formed based on how you were raised as a child. If you look back at your childhood and your primary caregivers, you can either feel jealous, anxious, or secure. All these attachment styles will affect the kind of relationship you have as an adult. The good news is, an attachment style can change as you become more self-aware and heal your inner child. There are four main attachment styles and they all affect how you interact with your partner differently. Secure Attachment Style People with secure attachment style tend to feel safe in their relationships. They are well grounded and can emotionally regulate themselves. They learned all these skills from their primary caregiver, who was present and did not dump their stress on the child. As such, this person knows how to create boundaries. Even though they might want to be in a relationship, they are more drawn to creating meaningful connections over just getting into whatever relationship they want to. Despite this, if they are together with someone with an insecure attachment style, it can change their attachment style after a while. Anxious Attachment Style Someone with anxious attachment style often feels insecure in a relationship. They need constant reassurance and will overreact if they feel like their relationship is being threatened. The anxiety stems from inconsistent parenting. The primary caregiver must have been one who was inconsistent with physical and emotional attention and the child never knew when the parent would be back or there for them. Anxious attachment style: people tend to feel guilty for being too needy or clingy but it is something they cannot seem to stop doing. The only way to help a person with this attachment style is to have them deal with their issues of abandonment first. Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style Avoidance are the opposite of anxious attachment. While they might want attention, they are wary of anyone getting too close to them. Avoidant attachment often feels independent and sees no need for a relationship. As such, they come off as uncaring and arrogant. All this stems from having a primary caregiver who was never there for the child in their early years. As such, they tend to take care of everything on their own.  Even though avoidant people think they do not need human connections, they actually do. It is something every human being needs. One needs to be vulnerable enough to admit it. Disorganized Attachment Style A person with this attachment style tends to believe they do not deserve love and affection. They often find intimate relationships unsettling and hardly trust their partner. The person often gets this from an abusive primary caregiver who is both loved and often a source of terror to the person. As a result, the individual is unhinged and might also struggle with substance abuse. How to Deal with Insecure an Attachment If you have an attachment style that is not secure, then no matter how badly you want it, you will ruin whatever relationship you are in. The one thing you need to do to remedy this is talk to a therapist. They can help you unpack whatever trauma you have and give you coping mechanisms. While it might not be a one day affair, it will definitely get you to a point where you can form meaningful relationships. Your attachment style determines how you view human connections and, in extension, how you view the world. Being securely attached will help you form better connections and make the right decision when it comes to relationships. Talk to a therapist today if you have doubts on what your attachment style might be.

How To Make a Long Distance Relationship Work

Falling in love is one of the most amazing feelings in the world. You want to spend as much time as possible with your partner and to be as close as possible. If you happen to fall in love with someone who works or lives far from you, then it can be torture. Even though the feelings are just as strong, it is easy to build up resentment in the long run. Here are some tips that can help you deal with the distance.  Be Intentional Even though this is something to do in all relationships, it is very important to be intentional in a long distance relationship. You need to plan and do everything with intent, as that is the only way to make the relationship work. Ensure that whatever you do for your partner isn’t out of mere obligation but something you want to do. Good intentions will ensure that your relationship can thrive despite the distance. Talk Daily While you might get away with not talking to someone you live in the same area with, that might not work if you are in a long distance relationship. Making time to talk every day will ensure that you two get to know each other, and it will take away the feeling of being far apart. You do not have to have a long conversation or make calls but checking in daily will help. Find a way to include them in your day, as that is something that you will look forward to. Find Ways To Do Things Together Just because you are far apart does not mean you cannot have plans together. It can be watching a movie together via Skype or simply making dinner together via video calls. Whatever you do, ensure you have time that is just for the two of you. That way, there is something in common that puts you two together.   Have a Timeline While you might be okay with taking things slow, it does get to a place where you get too comfortable with virtual relationships that never head anywhere. To avoid this, always have a timeline for when you will meet and stop being in different areas. Having a timeline will help you both manage your expectations, so you do not have to worry about things going too fast or too slow. It also helps you stay intentional at all times. Finding someone to date is an amazing feeling. It does not matter how far away the person is, as long as you are both happy. By implementing these tips, you can have healthy and fulfilling relationships with a happily ever after in the near future.

Handling the Finance Topic in Marriage

Take the risk and be financially open with each other. Be open and let your partner see your financial life. By opening up, you will get to know them, if they are a scatterer or a gatherer, you will get to see what they are made of. It is easier to hide, be secretive, and be more instinctive, to keep your things licked away, but you will never measure as a team if this happens. If you don’t unite in money matters, you won’t unite in life. Money answers everything. Harmonize your financial philosophy. People develop financial philosophies from their families and how they witnessed the issue of money being handled. You breath it in until it soaks. For instance, those people who witnessed their parents transition from grace to grass may have a financial trauma, even of hoarding money. Align what you believe about money and your relationship with money with theirs. Discuss it until you can find an agreeable approach. Learn to flow with money, not to fight with it. When you know what you are good at and you perfect it, then your financial crisis will usually and only be a small interruption. There are two philosophies about money, to hoard it to be safe or to earn it to be safe. You may be coming from opposite ends because of what you witnessed, but this is a reminder that you are not doomed to live like your parents. But if you don’t heal, you are doomed. Those who don’t understand history are condemned to repeat it. Money is vapor, it’s your mindset that is the stabilizer. How you think about money is what will make it stay or go. your discipline not to buy everything you see, to show up at work on time, to convert that next client, to make sure you buy and sell at the best price, to watch the market and import when it is timely, and to convert the dollar when it’s advantageous. Have regularmeetings where you discuss financial decisions and directions so that you arrive at your family policies.

Handling Troublesome In-laws

The last aspect is their relationship with their families. Some people may be adults, but their families can not let them be who they should be. They still control them and make decisions for them. A man or woman ready for marriage should not be controlled or have someone determine what they do or not. Well, they can give their opinions, but he or she is the last person who should make the decision. You do not want to be with someone who even cancels your dates just because he received a call from home, to do an obvious thing. Should you find yourself in such a situation, then you should end things before it is too late. You can choose to ask them if they ever feel that they are doing too much for their family more than they do for themselves, that with this kind of energetic drain, they can never establish their own family. ” From my observation, you are unable to sit still and say no to your family and let them organize their life. You seem to gain a sense of validation and importance in the world when you are rescuing them.” Make sure you challenge them before you leave, because you have decided to leave anyway, so you have nothing to lose. Sometimes, you may have to deal with a person who says they can not move things forward until their mother or father approves. Ask yourself, how many other things will the mother or father need to approve. Some families may get too close to you soon. Anytime you start talking to a person and their family starts coming to your space, it’s not love. It’s either control or you are being sucked into rescuing them from their troublesome son or daughter.

Life With Carol

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