Life With Carol

How Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship

Your attachment style is often formed based on how you were raised as a child. If you look back at your childhood and your primary caregivers, you can either feel jealous, anxious, or secure. All these attachment styles will affect the kind of relationship you have as an adult. The good news is, an attachment style can change as you become more self-aware and heal your inner child. There are four main attachment styles and they all affect how you interact with your partner differently. Secure Attachment Style People with secure attachment style tend to feel safe in their relationships. They are well grounded and can emotionally regulate themselves. They learned all these skills from their primary caregiver, who was present and did not dump their stress on the child. As such, this person knows how to create boundaries. Even though they might want to be in a relationship, they are more drawn to creating meaningful connections over just getting into whatever relationship they want to. Despite this, if they are together with someone with an insecure attachment style, it can change their attachment style after a while. Anxious Attachment Style Someone with anxious attachment style often feels insecure in a relationship. They need constant reassurance and will overreact if they feel like their relationship is being threatened. The anxiety stems from inconsistent parenting. The primary caregiver must have been one who was inconsistent with physical and emotional attention and the child never knew when the parent would be back or there for them. Anxious attachment style: people tend to feel guilty for being too needy or clingy but it is something they cannot seem to stop doing. The only way to help a person with this attachment style is to have them deal with their issues of abandonment first. Avoidant-Dismissive Attachment Style Avoidance are the opposite of anxious attachment. While they might want attention, they are wary of anyone getting too close to them. Avoidant attachment often feels independent and sees no need for a relationship. As such, they come off as uncaring and arrogant. All this stems from having a primary caregiver who was never there for the child in their early years. As such, they tend to take care of everything on their own.  Even though avoidant people think they do not need human connections, they actually do. It is something every human being needs. One needs to be vulnerable enough to admit it. Disorganized Attachment Style A person with this attachment style tends to believe they do not deserve love and affection. They often find intimate relationships unsettling and hardly trust their partner. The person often gets this from an abusive primary caregiver who is both loved and often a source of terror to the person. As a result, the individual is unhinged and might also struggle with substance abuse. How to Deal with Insecure an Attachment If you have an attachment style that is not secure, then no matter how badly you want it, you will ruin whatever relationship you are in. The one thing you need to do to remedy this is talk to a therapist. They can help you unpack whatever trauma you have and give you coping mechanisms. While it might not be a one day affair, it will definitely get you to a point where you can form meaningful relationships. Your attachment style determines how you view human connections and, in extension, how you view the world. Being securely attached will help you form better connections and make the right decision when it comes to relationships. Talk to a therapist today if you have doubts on what your attachment style might be.

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