Life With Carol

Why Marriages Fail: 18 Reasons

Marriage is the union between two people that is expected to last a lifetime. In a Muslim marriage, the man is allowed to marry four women as long as he can take care of all of them equally. The man must get consent from his first wife before he can marry a second wife, and when he is ready for wife number three, he must get consent from his first and second wives. In this blog, we talk about why marriages fail.

Financial Issues

You can never predict the future. People get married, and then life happens. The husband may lose his job, and the family could struggle financially so much that the wife decides to leave the marriage. We have also seen instances where the man leaves his wife because she does not have any source of income and goes ahead to marry another woman who is financially independent. Issues about money are usually hard on a couple, and for the relationship to actually last, the two will have gotten in love with each other out of pure love.

Family

Love is supposed to be for two people, and the rest of the family is expected to support them. When a man gets married, his family should support his relationship by accepting and considering his wife as part of the family. And when a woman gets married, her family should make the man feel wanted and accepted as part of the family. What we see happening, however, is that the man’s mother mistreats his wife, calls her names sometimes, tells her to leave, and the man’s siblings do the same. The lady gets frustrated and eventually decides to leave the marriage, not because she does not love her husband, but because she is getting too much pressure from the husband’s family. It becomes even worse when the man attacks his wife because of what his mother or siblings say about her. In the worst-case scenario, the man’s mother could go to the extent of accusing her daughter-in-law of attempting to steal from her, and this causes conflict that eventually breaks the marriage.

On the other hand, if the woman’s family does not like her husband, they can make it their mission to make sure the marriage does not last. These people could even scheme to set up her husband with other women, take videos and pictures, and then prove to her that her husband is cheating. The marriage might end if the woman becomes disillusioned by the evidence and loses faith in her husband.

Lack of Intimacy

Life can get so busy that when couples meet at home, they are both too tired to look at each other. This may continue for a prolonged period of time, which may create distance between the couple and cause them to lose interest in each other. They suddenly start to live like brothers and sisters; one of them gets distructed, and it’s over for both of them. To be honest, intimacy is one of the most important reasons people get married. I mean, besides having children, couples also need to enjoy the fruit that God made possible for married couples.

Lack of commitment

When people live together for a long time, they become so comfortable with each other that they start taking everything for granted. For marriage to work, the couple must be committed to each other, but if its only the wife who keeps calling to find out how her husband is doing during the day, she is the only one who sends text messages to say simple things like ‘I love you’, she is the only one who asks for a conversation to resolve issues when they have some misunderstanding, then the marriage fails. You can only do so much as a human being, and so, even as a committed wife, you get tired at some point and give up.

Falling Out of Love

Being in love is a beautiful thing, and it does not happen every day that you meet someone and fall in love. Love is special, and when you meet the one, you just know. When a couple gets married, they are usually at the peak of their union, and they feel like they cannot leave without each other. Then they start growing their family and expanding their careers. The man gets lucky and gets a much better job, earning more than he could ever imagine. He changes and starts mistreating his wife, ignoring her, and embarrassing her in public. When his wife is in conflict with, for instance, his sister, he protects her and looks down on his wife. It will not take too long before the wife falls out of love and decides to walk out of the marriage. We all know that when a woman forgives her man a thousand times and gets tired, it’s definitely over for him.

Unfaithfulness

Some people just find it difficult to remain faithful to their partners. It does not matter what you do, as a woman, you may even go down on your knees to assure him of your love, but he still cheats. You keep his house clean, prepare his meals, make sure the home is running smoothly, listen to him, and never quarrel. You try everything in your power to make your man feel loved, but he still cheats, unfortunately.

I recently watched a video on YouTube about a pastor’s wife who called a counsellor for help from the OWN YouTube channel. When the counsellor knocked on the door, the lady opened, and she started crying. When asked what the problem was, she said that her husband has cheated on her with twenty different women, ten of whom attend their church.

Apparently, when she found out that her husband was cheating and asked him, he confirmed that he cheated with twenty women and had a child with one. She moved out but still went to church with her husband and children, like everything was okay, but in reality they were living different lives. They were prompted to accept their reality, and they got a divorce. The man started going for counseling, and the lady moved on with her life because she felt safer alone. She felt safe living alone because her husband used to bring women to their matrimonial home and use their bedroom while she was at work.

Lack of Communication

Marriages fail because of lack of communication. Imagine living with your husband and never having a meaningful relationship with each other. He does something that hurts your feelings, but you choose not to talk for the sake of peace, or you are just not interested. You come home late, your husband is already home, and he does not even ask why you are that late given that you did not even tell him that you would be late. You live in the same house, but you are complete strangers. At this point, you don’t know what your husband is thinking, and he doesn’t know what you are thinking. Living together becomes scary, and the best thing for both of you is to step out before things get out of hand.

Friends

Friends can be very misleading sometimes, especially if you have friends who are out just to make sure that your marriage does not work. If you are married and your best friend is not married, they do not see the importance of marriage, so they never take it seriously. You tell them all your marital problems, and the best they can advise you is to live the marriage. Some friends may convince you to end the marriage for their own selfish reasons, they can’t find a spouse, and they are looking forward to seeing you single again.

A married man may choose to have many friends, both married and single. And he pays more attention to his friends than to his own wife. His wife may ask him to spend time with her, but he chooses to spend more time with his friends than with his wife. The only time he spends time with his wife is when he is unwell and, therefore, has to stay home for his wife to take care of him. When he recovers, he goes back to his normal life with his friends as his number one priority. He brings friends to his house, and they stay late, and his wife tries to keep up. It’s a very sorry situation, but it happens to many women.

Alcohol

Many marriages fail because of alcohol. There are men who drink too much alcohol that they forget all about their responsibilities. Their weekend starts on Thursday each week. They sit out with friends and drink all night. He goes home to shower, change, then leave to go to work, and after work, he is out drinking with friends. Some men, will even forget to provide food for their families, neglect their wives sexual desires, and they are simply never there. They drink all their money and never plan for their future, their children grow, and they watch him messing up every day, but the man does not even realize that his actions are affecting his children too. When the mother is unhappy, her children cannot be happy. The man puts a strain on his relationship with his wife, and the marriage fails.

Arranged Marriage

In society today, there are families that still arrange marriage for their children. Parents bring their children together, and the wife gets to meet her husband for the first time on their wedding day. They get married as an obligation, but most of those marriages fail.

I have a very close friend who was made to marry a man because he had money. The challenge was, the guy was already married, and she was to be the second wife (muslim marriage). My friend is a Muslim, and Muslim families ensure that their daughters get married in a green wedding vail to symbolize virginity. My friend was a virgin, and she got married as a second wife to a man who was way older than her. She ended up having three children very fast, we lost contact for about three years, and when we got together, she told me that she got a divorce. The main reason she got a divorce is because she cheated on her husband, and he found out. I do not blame her, she was not in love with the guy, she married for her family, and now she is free to love again. Do not get me wrong, I do not encourage divorce, but some divorces are bound to happen.

Children

Its even sad to say that marriages fail because of children. When people get married, the couple has time to love each other, be there for each other, show affection, and simply enjoy being together. The mistake many women make is that when they start having children, life stops, everything becomes about the children. The woman forgets about her husband, she unconsciously neglects him, and the man gets frustrated. Some men may raise some concern, which nobody will listen to, and some keep quiet. This puts a strain on the relationship, and the couple separates.

If the husband works away, for instance, the wife has friends, both men and women. Some children may see their own things and feed their dad false information, which the man may process as cheating. He becomes suspicious, and he starts investigating his wife. The lady finds out she is being investigated and loses her cool, What happens next, The marriage has failed. Thanks to the children who caused problems without intending to cause problems for their parents.

Nature of Work

The nature of work can strain a marriage, leading to divorce. Imagine being married to a gynecologist. It’s difficult, right? The things that your husband has to see every day—wait, I know its a profession like any other, but please. My marriage to a gynocolgist would not last, I would just be insecure. Other women may not admit that it bothers them, but it won’t be too long until they can’t handle it anymore. I am not saying that gynecologists never last in marriage, it depends on the woman.

If one spouse has to work away for a long period of time, and especially if the marriage is still under the five-year mark, it will be very hard for that marriage to work. The man may have to put in a lot of work for the marriage to hold, and the same is true for the woman too. From what I see happening to many people, they divorce, some men go to work in different countries, get new wives, and cut communication with their wives back home.

Neglect

Some men are very good at neglecting their women, they never give them pocket money, they never really provide for them, and they won’t spend quality time with their wives, they just abandon their wives. If the woman is not financially independent, she is at a loss.

Mental and Emotional Torture

Marriages fail because of the mental and emotional torture that spouses go through. Imagine if you have to stay awake three nights a week wondering where your husband is, and when he is out, he cuts off communication with you until he returns home. You are worried for his safety all the time while he is living his best life. Imagine when your spouse is rude to you all the time, never allows you to talk, and when you talk, you can clearly see that he is not moved. Love is not always enough, and most marriages cannot survive this kind of torture.

Influence

Sadly, marriages fail because of influence from friends. You see your best friend driving the car of her dreams, You come home and tell your husband about it, and you also ask for a car, but your husband can not afford one. You tell your best friend about your situation, and your best friend tells you that your husband does not love you anymore and that you should leave him. You choose not to use common sense, and you gladly leave your husband.

A man could have a friend who constantly cheats on his wife and does not even make it a secret. He may try to resist the temptation for some time, but his friend will encourage him to experience the good life. He does it, and then he cannot stop. His behavior changes, his wife finds out, and the marriage is automatically cancelled. There are women who can never forgive a cheating husband, which is okay; I mean, the Bible allows divorce if one cheats on another.

Social Media

We have seen many young couples who get into content creation from very humble beginnings, they become famous, they get more attention, and their marriage suffers. Because of their fame, the couple is constantly working on their next content to keep up with their fame, they start getting messages from followers, they forget about boundaries; and things just go wrong. Some women may take pictures in clothes that would make their spouses very uncomfortable, the whole world is watching, criticism becomes too much, and they grow apart.

Jealousy

Jealousy is something that should never happen in marriage, but it does, and many marriages fail because of jealousy. Women normally celebrate the success of their husbands, but men get very insecure when their wives start making more money than them. The woman may never say or act in any manner to suggest that she feels superior, but the man gets uncomfortable, and when the temperatures get too high, he leaves the marriage. That is why many successful women are single today.

IT WAS NEVER MEANT TO HAPPEN

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